1. Prepare to start your job as her personal photographer. This is a full-time job with no wage or expenses. You’ll be on it 24/7 capturing all the ‘natural’ candids of your social media obsessed girl, when in reality, those poses were planned out with precision.
2. Likes are everything. If her post hasn’t yielded as much praise as she thinks it deserves, then she probably won’t be in a suitable mood for real life interaction. Just avoid talking to her at these times, it’s the safest bet.
3. There’ll be peak posting times to ensure maximum likes. Which is why no, you can’t start eating the plate of food that’s been put before you until she’s finished uploading it to Instagram. It won’t do so well if she waits until after dinner.
4. She’ll probably consider tweeting that she’s in love before she even tells you. Saves the intense conversation though, right?
5. She’ll confuse you by uploading a picture that has absolutely nothing to do with the caption. This is a social media post paradox that will leave you very puzzled, and quite rightly so. “OMG can’t believe how busy life is rn, got 1 billion things to do omg so stressed out need TLC” will be accompanied by a scenic pic or a latest trainer purchase. Don’t bother asking questions.
6. She’ll know what filter makes your face look best. You’re her boyfriend, you’ve got to look good on her Instagram page.
7. You’ll have to be Facebook official before you’re actually official. Because if it’s not documented on the internet, did it ever really happen at all?
8. She’ll rely on your advice for lots of very important decisions. Like what her new profile picture should be. And once you’ve helped her decide, she’ll make you promise to like it ASAP, maybe with a heart eyed emoji or a wink.
9. Her Snapchat story will be so so SO long. Prepare to spend at least a good five minutes clicking through her extensive snaps filled with unnecessary details, because you’ll be in the dog house if you don’t keep up-to-date. She’s basically a full-time documentary maker filming her own life.
10. A world without data/ wifi is her idea of HELL. Her phone is literally a part of her hand and will never leave her sight. Oh, and she’ll NEVER leave the house without a charger. Being a social media queen is draining on your battery obvs.
11. Be prepared to hear her moan when her food she ordered goes cold because she’s too busy trying to get the right picture of it. She’s a martyr for her cause.
12. You aren’t the first thing on her mind in the morning or the last thing at night, unfortunately. She’s too busy refreshing Instagram instead.
13. You can earn extra brownie points if your gifts to her are totally Instagram worthy. Hats off to you if your wrapping is on point, too.
14. You’ll be held against your will to take cute snaps. PDAO (Public Display of Affection Online) must be all over her profiles otherwise no-one will believe you’re together? They’d better be all over yours too.
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