Gary Smalley, the famous marriage counsellor in North America says “when I was newly married, I often asked other couples if they could tell me the secrets of a happy marriage.
They would usually say, “you and your wife will have some problems, but if it is meant to be, you will stay together, if not, you will separate.” Later, when I worried about staying close to my children, peoples would answer, “your teenagers will rebel, it is just normal.”
Gary Smalley interviewed over a hundred couples across the nation. He chose them initially because they seemed to have close relationships and their children; though many were teenagers all seemed to be close to their parents and happy about it. They were enthusiastic families radiantly happy in most instances. He always asked them the same question “what do you believe is the main reason you are all so close and happy as a family?” Without exception each family gave the same answer: “we do a lot of things together.” Even more amazing to him was that all the families had one particular activity in common, camping.
Jesus left us an example by sharing his life with his disciples. They travelled ate, slept, healed and ministered together. He guided, guarded and kept them; then He prayed for them (John 17). His example of togetherness and oneness should constantly inspire us to become “one” with our family by scheduling many times to be together.
Gary Smalley continues “since every family I interviewed specifically mentioned camping, I looked into it as a possible recreational activity. Norma’s (Mrs. Smalley) first thoughts were of bugs, snakes, dirt and all sorts of creepy – Crawlys. She didn’t like camping. Though I had been camping only a few times I couldn’t remember having any insurmountable problems. We decided to give it a try. Norma reluctantly agreed, frantically clutching a can insect repellent and stuffing mosquito coils into her purse.
We borrowed a pop – tent camper and headed for Florida. We found a beautiful campsite in Kentucky, and though I was nervous being all alone in the woods, I didn’t say anything. After we parked next to the only bright streetlight, we built a campfire to roast hot dogs and marshmallows. It was peaceful. No one was around to distract us. We put the children (2 of them) to bed around nine, and then Norma and I stayed up to enjoy a romantic evening. A distant thunderstorm entertained us with a light show as we enjoyed a warm breeze. Though the lightning came closer and closer; we thought it was passing to one side of us and went to bed with light heart.
The children were asleep as I crawled into a tiny bed with Greg and Norma joined Kari. We were lying close enough to touch hands while we whispered softly. I thought, boy, this is really the life. I can see why everybody likes to camp. But my feeling of serenity was blasted away as the storm began to lash furiously around us and knocked out the streetlight beside our tent. It was pitch black except for the frequent jagged streaks illuminating the sky. Thunder rumbled shaking the ground beneath us, and the wind began to howl. Rain beat against our tent until the water forced its way through soaking our pillows.
“Honey, do you think this camper is going to blow over?” Norma asked faintly.
“No, not a chance,” I said. I really thought the camper was going to blow up. I knew we were going to die. But within an hour, the storm’s wrath cooled enough to let the stars shine through again. We lay there breathlessly on our soaked pillows, each wondering silently whether camping was the life for us. I was also curious as to why camping played such an important part in drawing families together. Of course, any family that faced sure death together and survived would be closer!
He has mentioned only the tragic time of their camping experiences, but Gary tells us that they have also had tremendous experiences hiking to tops of mountains and exploring the out of doors. Doing things with your family may cost you a little extra money, but it is worth every penny.
Gary continues, “Norma called me one day to ask if I would like to buy water – skiing boat and equipment. Though I was unsure at first, the idea seemed to appeal to everyone in the family. We purchased an “extremely experienced” model. When we were bouncing across the lake on our first time out, I noticed my wife holding onto the side as if she feared we would capsize at any moment. I thought I had everything under control, yet panic was clearly written on her face. She gripped the windshield with one hand while the other had a death grip on the bar beside her. “Norma, what is wrong? “ I questioned. “I hate boats,” she said slowly. “You have got to be kidding. You hate boats? You are the one who called me up and said you wanted to buy the boat and now you are telling me you hate boats? Would you like to explain that?” I slowed our speed and let the boat idle so she could relax enough to talk to me. “All my life I have been afraid of boats,” she said, “I have just always had a real problem with boats.” I sat there in total bewilderment. She laboured to explain that she hated boats, but she knew she could learn to like them. She enjoys them much more now, further convinced that boating and skiing will knit our lives together.
Not long after our first boating experience, I sat next to an executive from Boeing Aircraft on a flight to Seattle. When I asked him about his family, he told me, they were very close.
“What is the most important thing that holds your family together? I asked.
“Several years ago,” he said: “we purchased a yacht and as a family we travelled around the various inlets and islands in the Seattle area. My family enjoys boating so much that it has provided a tremendous way to knit us together.” I wish all father’s felt that way. One man sadly admitted that when he and his children meet for a rare get – together they hardly have a thing in common.
“It is a sickening experience” he said, “to have your children back home for a visit and have nothing in common. You know, the only thing we ever laugh about as a family is when we remember the one time we took a three – week vacation. We rented a tent and camped. What a vacation! We still laugh at those experiences” He didn’t have any other fond memories of family togetherness. His wife had her women’s clubs, he had his men’s clubs, the children had their activities. They all grew apart in separate worlds.
“Now that my wife and I are alone, we have very little in common,” he lamented, “we are two lonely people lost in our five bedroom house”
Gary says “as much as possible, we look for ways to spend time together – cooking, fishing, putting the kids to bed, and gardening. Everything we do as a family assures me of our unity later in life.”
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