“How many people have you slept with?”
I get this question every now and then from a date. My rule of thumb is this: don’t ask, don’t tell.
This question gets particularly awkward when it comes up in a conversation with a current boyfriend or girlfriend. But lately, I have shifted the focus to why a date would even want to know.
What will the number of my past sexual partners tell you about me? Do you have a number you deem acceptable? What if I am over that number?
I received one interesting response from a lady I went on a date with.
“I want to know how good and experienced you are”, she said with a wink.
“Really!” I replied. “If that is the case, I think I might need a calculator. Does college also count?”
From what I’ve experienced, most women don’t hesitate to tell you the number of sexual partners they’ve had; they just spit it out. But honestly, I don’t want to know how many sexual partners a woman has had. I don’t believe a lot of men want to know either. Men are very visual and the last image I want to have floating in my head is another man on top of you.
However, I like to look at all sides of an issue. There might be good reasons why someone may want to know how many people you’ve had sex with. One may want to know if you are reckless or if you have been exposed to an STD.
The problem is, most people will lie about their numbers. Women tend to round down their numbers and men tend to round up. Some say whatever number a woman gives you, multiply by two. Some say to divide the number a man gives you by two.
I believe the most acceptable questions are:
“When was the last time you had sex?”
“When was the last time you had an STD and HIV/AIDS test?”
My rule of thumb on this sex partners matter still stands. In all honesty, you should be able to remember every person you have slept with. Let me take that statement back before I dig a hole for myself. You should be able to remember every person you slept with after college. Let me further clarify; you should be able to remember every person you slept with after college when you were sober.
Most men tend to think that a woman’s number is low, to begin with. Women should allow men to bask in their ignorance of how many sexual partners they have had. At the end of the day, no number a man gives will be good enough anyway. If your number is below 5, you may be perceived as inexperienced or worse, not desirable enough. If your number is too high, you could turn off most women.
What happens in the past should stay in the past.
Shortly after publishing this article, a female friend sent me a text and asked when was the last time I had sex.
“Well, I am still a virgin in 2017.” I replied back
“You know,” she responded, “We just started the third month of the year.”
“Really!?” I texted back. “I did not realize it has been that long!”
By Kwadjo Panyin…
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