GhanaStar
  • News
  • Sports
  • Entertainment
  • Politics
  • Business
  • Music
No Result
View All Result
GhanaStar
  • News
  • Sports
  • Entertainment
  • Politics
  • Business
  • Music
No Result
View All Result
GhanaStar
No Result
View All Result
Home Entertainment

Are You An Enabling Parent?

September 17, 2016
in Entertainment
Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Parents are hardwired to love and protect their child from birth to death no matter what. That is how human beings thrive and survive.

You Might Also Like

Patapaa Refutes Reports of Smoking GHC500 worth of Weed on Euro Tour

Positive Views On Delay Show Were Edited Out To Sabotage My Campaign

I Hold No Grudges Against You

When a child reaches adolescence and young adulthood and is unable to hit the expected benchmarks toward adulthood, parents begin to worry. When parents worry, they naturally bring out their best tools and try to help by encouraging, coaching, nudging, assisting, praising, punishing, teaching, modeling and as a last resort, seeking the help of professionals.

Parents of troubled teens or young adults ask themselves “Why isn’t my child succeeding in life? Is it my fault? Maybe it’s just a phase. Could it be the friends they associate with? I know my child. She wouldn’t take drugs or drink.” Denial and minimizing is a common first response for parents whose child seems to be slipping through their fingers.

When children are very young, the solution to a problem is typically in the hands of the parent. Parents do more of what they know how to do. Later on in their child’s development, parents feel lost and afraid when that approach no longer works.

Older children are a mystery to most parents. They have secrets. They don’t communicate. Their moods are up and down. They are changing at lightning speed, which is terrifying to a parent. When the underlying problem is addiction and/or serious mental health issues, no parent is fully prepared for the “tsunami” ahead.

In my years of experience working with two-parent families facing addiction (whether together or separated), the parents rarely agree on the appropriate approach with a struggling young addict. Their relationship dynamic begins to polarize on the “problem” where one parent is over-reacting and the other is balancing the scales by minimizing. The truth is that they are both terrified. Their world is falling apart.

In most cases, unless they get professional help, a pattern of unintentional enabling will begin for both parents. Tough love is counter-intuitive to loving parents.

Enabling Behaviors of Parents

Disbelief and denial that your child could be an addict

Covering up the problem due to parental guilt and shame

Attempting to make life easier as a solution by giving money or gifts not earned, expecting less from them, removing responsibilities, etc.

Overlooking bad behavior to keep peace

Obsessing about their child to the exclusion of others and themselves

Trusting the promises of an addict

Inconsistency – not following through with logical consequences, preventing natural consequences

Giving the addict the “benefit of the doubt” when they have not earned it

Forgiving too quickly

Blaming his or her peers

Seeking a simple and quick solution

Reluctant to face reality for fear of losing your child’s trust if you snoop

Believing the addict’s lies – the fact is that teenagers and young adult addicts will rarely tell the truth of their problem until they are ready to change

The Solution for Enabling Parents

Parents, even those who are separated, need to get on the same page and take their lives back – it’s important to get professional help for yourselves.

Educate yourselves about addiction and recovery.

Once you have found help for your child, it’s time to care for yourself.

Stick with it regardless of the status of your child. Addicts need to see that you are not going to continue enabling and may begin to help themselves. Be patient, it may take a while.

Find support in 12 step groups such as Al Anon, Parents Anonymous, Nar- Anon, or Parent Support Groups.

Be supportive of each other when you feel the fear of losing your child. Feelings come and go. Expressing them to your partner or a friend helps but don’t get stuck in your fear.

Accept the fact that this is going to be a long road with many ups and downs. Young people do not magically recover. Their immaturity and possible complications of mental illness makes it difficult to diagnose and treat.

Family involvement, including siblings, is essential for recovery to take hold.

Understand that your child needs to earn your trust slowly. Believe what you see, not what they say.

Your child who is struggling with addiction will be very angry at you. That is a sign of the beginning of change. Use self-care and tools to manage your reactions.

Remember that you and your family are important. Siblings of the addict deserve the love and attention of their parents. Be honest with them in an age appropriate manner.

If you are on the path to mental and emotional health, it is better for all concerned. Don’t go down with the ship when an addict is struggling. Continue on your path regardless of the status of others.

Parents who decide to seek treatment for their children should do their research in order to find the most appropriate program. There are many different treatment facilities out there that offer a variety of services, so it’s important to find the one with specific elements that best fits your child’s needs.

Many effective treatment programs take the load off the family when their loved ones are admitted, while still keeping them well-integrated into the treatment process as addiction is a family disease.

There are resources and materials that can help guide you when searching for the right treatment center, such as this industry paper.

Prepare to be changed for the better from this experience. Parents in recovery support groups that I have spoken to are committed to their own well-being and their family and say that through this trial, they have found a better way to live and improve family relationships.

Sign up for Ghana Star News to receive daily email alerts of breaking news in Ghana. GhanaStar.com is your source for all Ghana News. Get the latest Ghana news, breaking news, sports, politics, entertainment and more about Ghana, Africa and beyond.

Tags: Al AnonBehaviorBehavior modificationDrug rehabilitationEnablingHuman behaviorMental healthMotivationSocial IssuesTwelve-step program

Related News

Patapaa Refutes Reports of Smoking GHC500 worth of Weed on Euro Tour

by
April 12, 2019
0

Patapaa has reacted to reports that he smoked weed worth about GHC500 within four days when he was on tour...

Positive Views On Delay Show Were Edited Out To Sabotage My Campaign

by
June 16, 2017
0

Vicky Zugah has alleged that what viewers saw in her interview with Deloris Frimpong Manso aka Delay last week was...

I Hold No Grudges Against You

by
June 13, 2017
0

Musician Obrafour is asking fellow musician Okyeame Kwame to let go any idea of bad blood as he does not...

Most Men Don’t Know How To ‘bang’ Well – Kaakie

by
June 13, 2017
0

Female dancehall artiste Kaakie has thrown shade to men saying most of them don’t take their time when making love....

Next Post

A Year Ago

Heavy Rains Stall Activities At NDC Manifesto Launch

Trending News

Emma M’eni Nwu, Emma M’atamfo Nsere Me(Kyere Me W’akwan)

August 20, 2016

Kept By The Power Of God

August 20, 2016

My Hands Are Blessed

August 20, 2016

About

Read today's latest news headlines from Ghana and Africa. Stay up to date on local business, sports, crime, politics, arts, culture, and more.

Categories

  • Africa & World
  • African Music Lyrics Directory
  • Business
  • Business Directory
  • celebrities
  • Computing
  • Diaspora
  • Entertainment
  • Events
  • Feature
  • Featured
  • Ghana Elections 2016
  • Headlines
  • Health
  • International
  • Internet
  • Jobs
  • lifestyle
  • Music
  • News
  • Offbeat
  • Opinion
  • Politics
  • Profiles
  • Religion
  • Security
  • Seth Terkper
  • Smart Home
  • Social Networks
  • Sports
  • Technology
  • Top Stories
  • World News

Tags

accra addo africa Association football Banks - NEC business Business_Finance chairman Donald Trump economy education Entertainment_Culture environment Geography of Africa ghana Ghanaian people government Government of Ghana Human Interest John Dramani Mahama john mahama Law_Crime mahama minister MPs elected in the Ghanaian parliamentary election Nana Addo Nana Addo Dankwa Nana Akufo-Addo National Democratic Congress National Democratic Congress (NDC) New Patriotic Party New Patriotic Party (NPP) nigeria politics Politics of Ghana president Social Issues Social Media Social Media & Networking sports United Kingdom United Nations United States Vice President War_Conflict

Recent Posts

  • Suicide at Aburi Botanical Gardens: Man Found Dead
  • Ghanaian-American Family Suspects Cover-up in Son’s Death at Fort Rucker Military Base in Alabama US
List of Ghana Holidays for 2020
Ghana Geocoding
Ghana Cedis Exchange API
Ghana Maps Service
Toyota Cars Auto Auction History
  • African Music Lyrics Directory
  • Business Directory
  • Diaspora
  • Top Stories

All rights reserved © 2021 GhanaStar.com

No Result
View All Result
  • News
  • Sports
  • Entertainment
  • Politics
  • Business
  • Music

All rights reserved © 2021 GhanaStar.com